Confessions of A Carb Queen

The Lies We Tell Others...The Lies We Tell Ourselves.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Chippin' away!!

Quote of the day:

We are made to persist. That's how we find out who we are.

Tobias Wolff

Week of October 15-22

Starting: 45 pounds to lose

Total for week Loss/Gain for 10/15 - 10/22: -2

Pounds remaining: 30.1

Total for week 10/1 - 10/8: -11.2
Total for week 10/8 - 10/15: -.9
Total for week 10/15-10/22: -2
Goal for week 10/22 - 10/29: -2

Vitamins: Been takin' em!!

Today's Grateful List:
1. Fall days
2. Peacefullness
3. Singing birds

Physical: 1 hour gyrotonics and cardio at gym. Lots of walking!!
Spiritual: Been pretty good at saying morning prayer

Emotional: I didn't meet my goal of 3 pounds, so I guess it's going to be 2 pounds from here on in! I thought I'd be able to squeeze out a few more pounds before I had a steady 1-2 pounds per week...but's all good!More importantly..did I do what I said I was going to do???:
Check! 1. Drink more water!!! I've been really slackin' on thisCheck! 2. Say morning prayer every day!Check! 3. Go to shul on SaturdayCheck! 4. Take vitamins!Check! 5. Get to the gym twice for cardioCheck! 6. Measure, measure, measure! Portion control!Check! 7. See mommy once this week, even for 5 minutes

Well..that's makes it a GREAT week!! Plus I lost 2 pounds! Hey...that's an accomplishment! So
I'm going to repeat those goals for next week and add one more:

1. No eating or drinking after 8pm

I'll get back to you as to how I made out!

Gotta say...patience is a bitch! Had a good talk with Bro last night. We really are each other's strength a lot of time. Using any sort of substance, food, alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling hide the pain is just a band aid. When the binge, of whatever, is over the pain is still there and in most cases even worse because then the shame etc. comes in! Having that in the forefront of your mind at all times is really really important. However, it can also be tiring. Live in the grey. No ups and no downs. Have fun in life. Be grateful. Put good people around you. Create a support system. Make choices that will advance your goals. Arrgg! 30.1 more pounds! BE PATIENT!

So there goes another week. Time. That is an interesting concept which I'll touch upon at another time...(punn intended :)

Go out and enjoy the day!!!!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Days 12, 13, 14, 15...Keepin' it real...

Quote of the day:

He who reigns within himself and rules his passions, desires, and fears is more than a king.

John Milton

Days 12, 13,14, 15

Starting: 45 pounds to lose


Day 12: +.8
Day 13: -1.0
Day 14: -.5
Day 15: +.6

Pounds remaining: 32.1

Total for week 10/1 - 10/8: -11.2
Total for week 10/8 - 10/15: -.9

Goal for week 10/15 - 10/22: 3
Total for week 10/15 - 10/22:

Vitamins: No...keep forgetting...NOT GOOD!!!

Today's Grateful List:

1. Inspiring holidays
2. New friends
3. My building put the heat on today!!

Physical: 1 hour gyrotonics
Spiritual: No prayers today...NOT GOOD!!


.9???? What is that about. So the good news...I'm not upset about it. My goal was for 4 pounds. I didn't gain for the week. I lost 11.2 pounds for the first week. I did great exercise. I'm sure I will make it up this week and if I don't, that is ok also. I know that I'm doing my best, and I am. I don't care if I lose 1 pound per long as it's - and not +!!! I'm happy and I'm satisfied. I'm eating healthy, lots of vegi's, rice, pasta, salmon, olive oil etc. I'm going to be extremely conscious of my portions this week and we'll see what happens on Sunday! I'm going on my first hike on Sunday....very exciting!!! It's not going to be too hilly, more distance, which is OK by me, especially for my first official hike back in NY. I hope it's not too cold!!!

This week went well. Lots of good stuff happening and I'm excited about things that have been progressing! I'll keep you informed as things get closer.

This week just trying to accomplish having a wonderful week. Lots of good news and happy thoughts. I've gotten very organized over the past couple weeks and I continue to do that this week. Setting up organizational structures that make my life run smoothly...always a plus!

Goals for this week:

1. Drink more water!!! I've been really slackin' on this
2. Say morning prayer every day!
3. Go to shul on Saturday
4. Take vitamins!
5. Get to the gym twice for cardio
6. Measure, measure, measure! Portion control!
7. See mommy once this week, even for 5 minutes

Lots to do...gotta get's going to be a busy week!!! :)

Have a good one everyone!!!!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Day 9, 10, 11....

Quote of the day:

The undertaking of a new action brings new strength. Evenius

Days 9, 10, 11

Starting: 45 pounds to lose


Day 9: +.7
Day 10: -1.5
Day 11: ----(stayed the same)

Pounds remaining: 33

Total for week 10/1 - 10/8: -11.2

Goal for week 10/8-10/15: -4
Total for week 10/8-10/15:

Vitamins: No...oops!

Today's Grateful List:

1. not living at 72nd and York!
2. subways that are on time
3. no salt popcorn

Physical: My trainer cancelled the workout
Spiritual: 1/2 of my morning prayer


Long day at work. Tired. Going to sleep early for sure!!

Just wanted to touch base. Seems like reporting "in" every three days works well for me. I've been in the city late recently and when I finally get home I just need to take a shower and go to sleep. Tonight I was happy to come home early. Made some amazing pasta with good sauce (yummy chipotle onions!!!). Going to take a shower and head to bed.

Hope everyone is doing well out there!!! More soon.....

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Days 6, 7, 8....Long week!!

Quote of the day:

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.

Nelson Manela

Days 6, 7, 8

Starting: 45 pounds to lose
Day 6: -1
Day 7: +1
Day 8: -3.8

Pounds remaining: 33.8

Total for week 10/1 - 10/8: -11.2

Goal for week 10/8-10/15: -4
Total for week 10/8-10/15:

Vitamins: Yes

Today's Grateful List:

1. my little car that could and still does
2. new sneakers
3. quiet beach walks

Physical: 1 hour gyrotonics
Spiritual: no prayers today...small talk with G-d


I think the quote that I used today is very poignant. Coming back to NY from NC has been quite a transition. New York has certainly stayed the same. I mean, a lot more road construction, but nonethless the same. It is I who have changed. My want and need for physical space from my journey outside of the tri state area. I have come to find out that there is life out of New York, yet I have this desire...."to make it here." For some reason, I don't feel so much at peace here. The traffic, the noise, the quickness, the people. I want to just "be" sometimes and I feel like I am always rushing to do something. What, I 'm not too sure. But I need to take a look at this issue. I need to slow it down...especially in my own head. The outside influences force the speed in my head. Don't get me wrong, I handle it all just fine. It's just that I don't know if I want to be so quick anymore. I think that is what is fueling so many of my feelings and sadness lately. People don't say hello, mostly. They don't connect in any way really. It's quite sad. They are going somewhere, late for something, meeting someone, hitting the close button on the elevator to make it close quicker????? I mean is that for real? Will you get to the 18th floor any quicker?? It's completely absurd.

I miss the cows near my apartment in NC. I miss the air. I miss the really nice maintenance guys that ALWAYS said hello or waved as I drove by. I miss the chit chat on the line at the drug store. I miss the connections with people. But NC was just too far from my sister and family and my friends. Who knows what will be. Maybe it is all just a state of mind and I have to wrap myself around that. This year is a transition year for me. The book, G-d willing, will be a success, I'll have my surgery, I'll have my body back, I'll, G-d willing, find the person who I can find happiness, laughter, love and joy with...but most importantly, it will be a year of peace, comfort, joy, love and connection, and happiness regardless as to what, or with whom or where I end up.

A new week. Monsoon is coming in from India!!! Can't wait to see her!

Life can sometimes be like this. Contemplative. Reflective. It's not necessarily a bad thing.

Until next time.......Keep it real...always! Susan :)

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Day 5....Keepin' going

Quote of the day:

Life may not be the party we hoped for sometimes, but while we are here we might as well dance!


Day 5

Starting: 45 pounds to lose
Loss/Gain: -2.2
Pounds remaining: 37.6
Total for week 0/1 - 10/8:

Vitamins: Yes

Today's Grateful List:
1. angel hair pasta
2. acoustic guitar sets
3. Billy Joel's music on The Stranger

Physical: Forced myself to go to the gym. 1/2 hour eliptical. 20 minute walk to and from gym.
Spiritual: Morning prayer


Five days and counting. I haven't spoke one word about my "quest" to any of my family or friends. Decided that keeping it to myself (and to potentially about 2 bagazzilion people on Myspace!) was the best bet. Action is so much more important than words. It's hard though. The anticipation. So I decided that 1/2 way through 22.5 pounds off, I'm going to treat myself to something spectacular! Don't know what yet...maybe a play, or maybe a massage and facial at the Four Seasons! Hhmmm...something to look forward too. Although, I was eyeing this incredibly cool leather jacket....whatever it is going to be, it will be fun to purchase it knowing that it is a present to myself. Then when I'm totally finished.....a trip to somewhere hot!

Things were a little rough today, but I got through it. 10 breathes, H.A.L.T. etc....But I'm not going to front, sometimes a girl just needs a hug! I had to settle for a long talk with my brother, David, and a quick chats with E-Dog.

Mel sent me an email asking what I eat. So here is basically what I eat on a daily basis while I"m losing weight:

Breakfast: 1 cup of shredded wheat
1/2 cup of manderine oranges, with juice

Snack: 1 piece of fruit...usually banana or grapes

Lunch: 1 cup Pasta with 1 tsp chili oil (I like spice!) and rice vinegar, to taste, pepper
1 fruit...usually grapes

Snack: 1 fruit...usually grapes or banana or fruit in season (watermelon during the summer)

Dinner: 1 cup Pasta with 1 tsp chili oil (I like spice!) and rice vinegar, to taste, pepper
1 cup honeydew and 1 other fruit

Snack: (8pm) 1 piece of some fruit

Sometimes I'll make sushi rice instead of pasta...but very rarely. I'm a creature of habit and I happen to LOVE pasta! When I'm on phase two there are more vegis and salmon, but basically the same as well. Lots of fruit and lots of water!!!! I keep it simple. Don't get me wrong, while I"m maintaining my weight I'll eat some dark chocolate or make some exotic type dish that I would feel comfortable eating. But basically, I stay out of the restaurants and stay extremely active...very important!! Truth is, I enjoy my life so much now that food, most times, takes a back seat to living life. That's truly a gift!!

Ask me any question you would like regarding recipes etc....I'll give you my secrets!!!

That's it for tonight...more tomorrow! Keep me posted!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Day 4....You can't always get what you want!

Quote of the day:

The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be...because of all I may become I will close my eyes and leap.


Day 4

Starting: 45 pounds to lose
Loss/Gain: -1.3
Pounds remaining: 39.8
Total for week 10/1 - 10/8:

Vitamins: Yes

Today's Grateful List:

1. amazing friends and family
2. a heater underneath my desk at work! (It's freezinggg in my office!)
3. Walking. I saw some really cute guy get out of his car and into a wheelchair. I wondered...motorcycle accident? I asked him if I could have a ride (implied...on his wheelchair) down to 17th street (gyrotonics). He laughed! Walking...for sure grateful!

Physical: 1 hour gyrotonics
Spiritual: Silent Prayer...forgot to say morning prayer...:(


I ate my breakfast, lunch and dinner all before 1:35pm today. LMAO! Yup...don't know what happened, but I was starvinggggg today! I was so upset around 4pm, when I realized that the only food I had left for the day was 2 fruits! I guess...what doesn't kill ya, makes you stronger! Meanwhile, it's my boss's B-day on Friday and we (this other girl in my office) were searching for a present to give to her. She kept going into chocolate stores!!! I was cracking up...and she was like..."what's so funny?" Anyway....we decided upon a sweater from J.Crew and 2 chocolate/gold dusted covered strawberries.

Having the strength to say "no," when you really just want to give in..."just today" attitude etc. one of the hugest lessons I have learned over the past 3 years. It's hard. It completely sucks. I hate being hungry. But now, I look at the rewards instead of what I perceive as what I am "missing."

Today was a good day. You can't always get what you wantttttt...and somehow today I realized that that is OK!

I've learned a lot about things this past month. I learned the difference between wanting sex and wanting intimacy. I learned that if you truly want something - put everything aside to make it happen - even when it's really, really difficult. I learned that if you put your feelings out there for someone, even if you get hurt, make it worth it for the right person. The hurt will fade and you'll have some really amazing memories!!

Tomorrow is a new day! Full of the unknown and immence possiblities for greatness, satisfaction and peace!

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Day 3...Time is marching on...

Quote of the day:

If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.

Laurence J. Peter.

Day 3

Starting: 45 pounds to lose
Loss/Gain: -2.8**
Pounds remaining: 41.1
Total for week 10/1 - 10/8:

Vitamins: Yes

Todays Grateful List:

1. a beautiful day
2. a great job
3. peace of mind (saw some people talking to themselves on the way to work. Makes you appreciate your sanity!)

Physical: 1/2 hour in the AM at gym and 1 hour tonight with trainer
Spiritual: Morning Prayer


**I really would like to put a disclaimer right about now on my blog.I take a very aggressive approach to weight loss that some might think is too aggressive...hence losing just about 4 pounds in 2 days. So here's the skinny (punn intended)..I eat very low sodium (50-200mgs per day..the average American consumes 3000-6000mgs per day), 1000-1200 calories per day and work out very efficiently. I have 2 trainers and belong to 3 gyms. I would not suggest that someone do this on there own. A very low sodium diet needs to be understood and monitored either by you or your doctor. I have also been eating this way for over 3 years. This doesn't mean that I won't ever eat a slice of me..I have and I will again! I have proven, to myself, that I can maintain my weight through exercise and a 1600-1800 calorie diet....which includes pizza! I have never felt as healthy as I do now...and I've been athletic basically all my life. The reason I am writing this disclaimer is because the first couple weeks I will be showing a large weight loss...most of it is sodium loss...with some fat loss as well. After the first two weeks I'm hoping to achieve a 2 pound fat weight loss. Anyway...just wanted to give some clarity!**

So where was I...

I had a hard time sleeping last night. It might have been from the 14 hours of sleep the night before! So I had about 5 hours sleep and was bright and bushy tailed for this mornings work out. There is something about getting up and walking into the fall air at 6am that just makes you glad that you're alive. It was so crisp outside, so quiet, the birds were still chirping and the leaves are just about to start to fall.

Felt kinda strange though this morning. Sort of like that feeling I had in Trader Joe's when I felt my life shift. It's all good, trust me, but I guess it's a little unnerving as well. The unknown. What to expect about meeting my goal. I think I've just thought about it way too much. Going to make it a point to just going to go with the flow.

Looking into my hiking club today and hopefully will do some hiking this Sunday! Regardless, I gotta get to the mountains this weekend!!

So listen..everyone have a great day! Next report in 24 hours!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Day 2...Just the Beginning!

Quote of the day:

Words are a heavy thing...they weigh you down. If birds talked, they couldn't fly.

Sy Rosen and Cristian Williams

Day 2

Starting: 45 pounds to lose
Loss/Gain: -1.1
Pounds remaining: 43.9
Total for week 10/1 - 10/8:

Vitamins: Yes

Today's Grateful List:

1. able to fast for 26 hours!
2. incredibly comfortable bed
3. amazing apartment that's very cozy

Physical: Fasting for 26 hours was enough of a physical activity!
Spiritual: Lot's O' prayers!

Within keeping with my daily quote today...I'm going to keep this short. G-d knows the last couple journal entries were pretty intense. Time to lighten it up!

Today was amazing. Life is great. I feel totally and utterly invigorated about where I'm going...what I want out of life and how I intend to sieze the opportunities to get it! Right now, I have to get ready for work. Walk up to the train station and get a new monthly pass. Go to the grocery store and get some manderine oranges for my cereal tomorrow and hit the sack.

I'm getting up at 5:30am every morning to go to the phone is off at 10:00pm sharp.

That's it for now.....more tomorrow!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Day 1...Take Off!

Quote of the Day:

Decide what you want, decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work! H.L. Hunt

Day 1

Starting: 45 pounds to lose
Loss/Gain: n/a for today
Pounds remaining: n/a for today

Today's Grateful List:

1. walk/talk/speak/hear...seriously grateful!
2. absolutely the most amazing support system
3. ability to have ambition, clarity and discipline
(think about many people talk the talk??)

Physical: Gyrotonics 1 hour
Spiritual: Shema Prayer

Wow...last night's lecture was eye opening. See how everything happens for a reason? I was hem and hawing (that looks weird when you write it out! LOL) about going. L called...had to go! "It's not where you are, but where you're going." Very inspiring.

Busy day today. Meeting J at 12:30. Will walk from 72nd to 17th providing that it's not raining too hard and then 1 hour of gyro! Gotta see mommy.

Something has definately shifted. I can feel it in my soul and my being. It's a strange feeling, but one that I'm embracing because I know it's where I want to be. So much emotion this past week. More than I've had in a very very long time. I needed to cry. It felt good. Refreshing. Cleansing. Interesting...right before Yom Kippur...hhhmm...interestingggggg.

So here it goes. Day 1. Reminds me of the first day in Durham. I was so scared, yet so psyched because I knew my life was about to change in the most dramatic way. I feel that right now. It's not like this flowing of exciliration of emotion...more like...yes, this is right. It's time. I'm ready. Healthier than the boosts of emotion. The pounds are all relevant. 25, 50, 75, 100, 200, doesn't matter what you have to lose or what you need to accomplish..stop drinking, gambling etc....where ever you are is where you need to start from.

So it's 45 pounds and counting! Remember it's a journey...and as long as you stay on the path, it will happen. H.A.L.T....10 breathes....nothing and no one is more important that accomplishing this goal. Not even G-d can get in the way once you made your mind up to change...(learned that last night :)

So enjoy the ride with's going to be exciting!